It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
