i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
