oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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