you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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