Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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