and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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