Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
