Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
