i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
