I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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