i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's blow job season.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
