Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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