I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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