okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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