Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
