They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
