I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
