There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
