Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex. http://tfl.nu/nznj
  Replies (27) Good night (2470) Bad night (726)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (201): I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma. http://tfl.nu/yzcy
  Replies (13) Good night (5177) Bad night (732)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (586): we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path. http://tfl.nu/fhzw
  Replies (17) Good night (1037) Bad night (5175)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  wanna hang out tonight and remember it?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (717): wanna hang out tonight and remember it? http://tfl.nu/5q3c
  Replies (18) Good night (6108) Bad night (1666)
• Favorite

  (352): View more from Florida

  i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (352): i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE http://tfl.nu/5phb
  Replies (184) Good night (52462) Bad night (2565)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (361): There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked. http://tfl.nu/femh
  Replies (2) Good night (2138) Bad night (826)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (440): You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered http://tfl.nu/unl1
  Replies (6) Good night (2631) Bad night (699)
• Favorite

  (605): View more from South Dakota

  When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (605): When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots http://tfl.nu/ud2p
  Replies (7) Good night (1293) Bad night (591)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them. http://tfl.nu/sunc
  Replies (5) Good night (2467) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (208): Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend? http://tfl.nu/u4ww
  Replies (10) Good night (1750) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water http://tfl.nu/xb1j
  Replies (5) Good night (533) Bad night (1453)
• Favorite

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again

  (1-417): View more from Missouri

  I will be over with a bedpan and beer

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (417): I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again (1-417): I will be over with a bedpan and beer http://tfl.nu/dsbf
  Replies (3) Good night (618) Bad night (251)
• Favorite

  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (262): Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God. http://tfl.nu/qyus
  Replies (2) Good night (493) Bad night (210)
• Favorite

  (210): View more from Texas

  I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (210): I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now. http://tfl.nu/7ifv
  Replies (0) Good night (427) Bad night (196)
• Favorite

  (260): View more from Indiana

  Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (260): Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message. http://tfl.nu/4llk
  Replies (1) Good night (569) Bad night (197)

Randomize