Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
