Can i not drive my cunt home
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Hungover. No words. Just memes.