This dress was meant to end up on your floor
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Your cock deserves a montage
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
