Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.

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(334): nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder. http://tfl.nu/fuyv

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(805): View more from California

I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.

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(805): I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense. http://tfl.nu/syxd

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(561): View more from Florida

i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.

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(561): i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching. http://tfl.nu/cq5g

Replies (43) Good night (1304) Bad night (5280)
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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.

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(321): You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called. http://tfl.nu/6o7h

Replies (12) Good night (1062) Bad night (5778)
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(845): View more from New York

i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore

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(845): i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore http://tfl.nu/w95h

Replies (20) Good night (5590) Bad night (1281)
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread

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(401): Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread http://tfl.nu/zf7m

Replies (18) Good night (4853) Bad night (977)
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(216): View more from Ohio

I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.

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(216): I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips. http://tfl.nu/1ir1

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(919): View more from North Carolina

So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.

(1-919): View more from North Carolina

And that worked?

(919): View more from North Carolina

9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.

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(919): So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night. (1-919): And that worked? (919): 9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards. http://tfl.nu/moso

Replies (70) Good night (13871) Bad night (1747)
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(281): View more from Texas

I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body

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(281): I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body http://tfl.nu/esoz

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(514): View more from Quebec

What happened to chicks over dicks?

(1-514): View more from Quebec

That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..

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(514): What happened to chicks over dicks? (1-514): That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks.. http://tfl.nu/nat7

Replies (50) Good night (8654) Bad night (1149)
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(303): View more from Colorado

high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.

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(303): high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me. http://tfl.nu/bsmu

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(205): View more from Alabama

A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!

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(205): A beer is a heart your wish makes!!! http://tfl.nu/w148

Replies (4) Good night (1507) Bad night (637)
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(559): View more from California

I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.

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(559): I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs. http://tfl.nu/m1ws

Replies (2) Good night (1067) Bad night (576)
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(817): View more from Texas

I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.

(512): View more from Texas

Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.

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(817): I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night. (512): Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there. http://tfl.nu/r01e

Replies (4) Good night (2164) Bad night (565)
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(909): View more from California

An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?

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(909): An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me? http://tfl.nu/uy1l

Replies (3) Good night (476) Bad night (219)

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