Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.