If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
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He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate