Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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