he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
