let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
