no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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