He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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