Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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