They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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