i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Banned from zoo.
Again?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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