Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
