totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
