I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
