dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Randomize
