How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
