Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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