He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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