No awkward lesbian experiences without me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
