oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
