Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
