I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
A bitchslap is in order.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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