I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize