I need to stop coming to work sober
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
