doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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