Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
