Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize