dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize