The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
sarcasm needs its own font
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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