shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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