a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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