Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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