I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
