do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
