the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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