I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
