well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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