What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
