So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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