My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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