I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
