i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
