I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
