you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
