I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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