You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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