you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
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